


Turkey Day

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-20
Updated: 2005-03-20
Packaged: 2019-05-30 23:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15106610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: The gang tries to cook Thanksgiving dinner for themselves with disastrous results.





	Turkey Day

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Turkey Day**

**by: Steph**

**Character(s):** Sam, Josh, Donna, Toby, CJ, Jed  
**Category(s):** Humor  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** "The West Wing" and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, et al. This is just for fun out of a love for the show. No profit is made and no infringement is intended.   
**Summary:** The gang tries to cook Thanksgiving dinner for themselves with disastrous results.  


"Sarah Josepha Hale felt that Thanksgiving should be a national patriotic holiday. She was the editor of the women's magazine, 'Godey's Lady's Book'. She began her campaign in 1846. Every year, she wrote editorials and sent letters to the president, state governors, and other influential persons. For the date, she chose the last Thursday in November, because on the last Thursday of that month in 1789, George Washington had proclaimed a National Thanksgiving Day in honor of the new United States Constitution. Thanksg-..." The President's annual lecture on the history of Thanksgiving was interrupted by a loud groan from his Deputy Chief of Staff. Had the other members of the Senior Staff not slipped into comas, then they very likely would have responded in a similar way. 

The President turned to Joshua Lyman, who sat slumped over in a chair, his elbow propped up on his knee and the palm of his right hand cradling his face. 

Josiah Bartlet fought his smile, "Josh, did you have something to add?" 

Josh rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. "No, sir, I'm just sad because it seems like this always fascinating Thanksgiving history lesson of yours is nearing an end." 

The President grinned, "Well, I'll be happy to tell you more, if you're interested. You can never know too much about this great holiday of ours, Josh." 

Josh sighed and glanced over at his colleagues. Toby was slumped down in the couch, his head tilted into his hand. His eyes were barely open. CJ's head was leaning against the back of the chair and her mouth hung open for no apparent reason. Sam had made himself comfortable on a chair and had used its armrest as a pillow. He was sleeping soundly and Josh was almost positive he saw a small stream of drool strolling down Sam's chin. 

Leo was the only one who had escaped. He had discreetly ducked out around the time the Pilgrims had landed at Plymouth Rock. 

Josh now knew why everyone considered Leo to be the wisest of them all. 

The President was just about to continue, when Josh glanced down at his watch and focused his eyes to be sure he'd seen the right time. It was 9:30 pm already? He let out in an involuntary gasp. 

The President closed his mouth and turned to him, "Something wrong, Josh?" 

Josh nodded, "It's 9:30, sir. We were all booked on 9:00 pm flights home. We missed our planes." Josh said the last part through gritted teeth and a tad louder than he'd intended. 

This, however, got the attention of the other staffers. They all sat up straight immediately and began to frantically check their watches. Groans spread throughout the rooms as they confirmed Josh's statement. 

CJ shook her head sadly, "We'll never get on other flights. It's the night before Thanksgiving. They have to be booked." 

Toby, Sam, CJ and Josh threw the President a glare. He looked at them innocently, "What are you all looking at me for? You could have excused yourselves hours ago." 

"Yes, had we been conscious, we could have," Toby muttered. 

The President sighed, "I try to educate you all on this holiday and this is the thanks I get?" 

Sam attempted a smile, "I always enjoy it, sir." 

CJ, Josh and Toby shot him looks of ire. Sam simply shrugged. 

The President slowly got to his feet, "Well, I am sorry you all missed your flights. You are welcome to join the First Lady and our family at the residence tomorrow if you like. 

Their eyes brightened, as their visions of turkey sandwiches faded away. They weren't particularly saddened about not being able to spend Thanksgiving with their families, since they weren't particularly fond of their families. They were, however, fond of turkey and all its fixins'. 

"Really?" they all asked. 

Jed nodded. "Of course," he paused and then added with a solemn shake of his head. "I'm afraid I must warn you though. My sister-in-law is here from Utah and she's insisted on cooking the meal. That means turkey-shaped tofu." 

Their eyes widened at him and Josh responded, "That's just wrong. That's a crime against humanity." 

The President nodded in agreement, "I know. Sometimes I just want to tell Sarah where to shove her tofu and bean sprouts. But then I remember that Abbey could very easily kick my ass...And I'd be in even bigger trouble if they ever tried to tag-team me." 

A wave of laughs swept through the group. 

When the laughter had subsided, the President looked at them questioningly, "So, what's it going to be?" 

CJ, Toby and Josh began to shrug, feeling they had no other choice, when Sam interjected enthusiastically. "No, sir, we will not be needing your hospitality. But we thank you very much." 

The others threw Sam shocked looks. Toby managed to speak, "Did this lecture finally kill your last common sense brain cell?" 

Sam feigned a smile, before continuing excitedly. "No, I have an idea. We can cook Thanksgiving dinner for ourselves!" 

Once again, their mouths hung open in shock. CJ shook her head at him, "Sam, I know it's late and you're tired, but listen to what you're saying. We don't know how to cook...At all...We can barely figure out how to heat up our Lean Cuisines." 

Sam nodded, "I know, I know, but how hard could it be? I mean, we help run a country, I think we can manage to whip ourselves up a Thanksgiving feast, don't you?" 

"No!" came the loud, unanimous reply. 

Sam smiled unwaveringly, "Well, I do." 

Toby shook his head, "One of these days that childish, idealistic naiveté of yours is going to bite you in the ass, Sam." 

Josh chuckled, "It already did in the form of a call girl." 

CJ and Toby joined Josh in his laughter, as Sam simply shrugged them off. He then stood up, "You'll see, everything's going to turn out great. I'm going to go scrounge around at the markets now for any Thanksgiving staples we need. I hope they have some stuff left. I'll see you all at 6 am sharp, my place. Okay?" 

They simply moaned, which Sam took as an affirmative reply. The President smiled, as he placed his arm around Sam's shoulder and escorted him to the door. "I admire your gumption, Sam. I have faith that you will lead them to prepare a spectacular meal." 

Sam smiled proudly, as he threw a look at the others over his shoulder. The President gave him a pat on the back and one last word of encouragement before sending him on his way. 

As soon as Sam had left, Jed turned around and smiled devilishly, "So, my money's on grease fire. How about you guys?" 

They all laughed in spite of themselves. 

* * * * 

Josh strolled down the corridor and quickly entered his office, while tiredly rubbing at his eyes. He took two steps in, before his brow furrowed and he backtracked. He turned around and looked at Donna, who sat stone still at her desk. 

"Donna, what are you still doing here?" he asked. 

Donna's face was tight and her words were clipped as she spoke to him, "What am I still doing here? I am still here, Joshua, because you told me to wait for you to finish with the President, just in case you had any last minute work come up for me to do. *That* was three hours ago. I missed my plane, as did you." 

He rubbed at the back of his neck, "Sorry." 

"Sorry? Josh, I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving with my family because you made me hang around here with absolutely nothing to do," she responded sharply. 

"Why didn't you come in and tell me you were leaving when it got late?" 

"I tried," Donna stated through clenched teeth. "Mrs. Landingham wouldn't let me into the Oval Office. She said you were discussing important matters and the President had requested that you not be disturbed." 

Josh sighed, "Important if you give a rat's ass about hearing every little detail about Thanksgiving...AGAIN." 

Donna's expression didn't show an ounce of sympathy towards him, although she knew his borderline whine had been intended to elicit just that. 

"You could have just left," Josh offered. 

"Donna's eyes widened at him, "Oh please. Then I'd have to listen to you complain for the next week about how I left before you gave me permission and how I may have been needed to assist you in a matter of national importance that could have suddenly arisen." 

Josh smiled slightly, "That's true." Donna didn't crack a smile, so Josh decided that the apologetic approach would be best. "I'm sorry, Donna. I really am." 

Donna's face softened and she seemed about to forgive him, when he unwisely chose to add, "But you should be thanking me. You always complain about your Uncle Lou getting drunk and passing out on the pumpkin pie anyway." 

Donna's eyes flared, "So what?! That's what Thanksgiving's about, Joshua! It's about being with embarrassing, annoying family members. It's about putting up with them for one day and then thanking God you don't have to see them until Christmas. It's about pulling your hair out every time your mother says, 'No, Donna, still isn't seeing anyone, but she has a nice little job that supposedly makes her happy.' That's what Thanksgiving's about, Joshua! It's about family!" 

Josh fought his urge to smile at Donna's rant. He finally managed to say, "That was very touching." 

Donna sighed and then allowed herself a slight smile, "I thought so." 

Josh paused and then said, "Well, I know it's not the same, but you're welcome to join me, CJ, and Toby at Sam's tomorrow. We're all going to cook dinner together." 

Donna's eyes widened, "You all realize that this can only end in disaster, right?" 

Josh nodded, "We are fully aware of that." 

Donna smiled, "Count me in then. What's Thanksgiving without a disaster of some sort?" 

Josh grinned, "Well, we can't give you drunk Uncle Lou, but I'm sure we can manage an irritated Toby trying to bake Sam instead of the turkey." 

Donna smiled and nodded at him, "That's better than nothing." 

He nodded, before backpedaling towards his office. "Okay, 6 am tomorrow morning at Sam's then." 

Donna bobbed her head, "All right, see you then." 

Josh grinned before saying, "Bring your fire extinguisher." 

Donna laughed, as her eyes watched Josh's figure disappear into his office. 

* * * * 

Josh, CJ, Donna and Toby arrived at Sam's house at exactly the same time: 6 am sharp. They gathered at the door and Josh knocked. Almost instantly, Sam appeared at the door with a bright smile. 

They looked at him scornfully, as he greeted them cheerfully. "Happy Turkey Day or, for those traditionalists among us, Happy Thanksgiving Day." 

Toby shook his head as he walked past him, "How is it that it's 6 o'clock in the morning and you're still irritatingly cheerful? Seriously, there should be studies done on you." 

Sam shrugged, as he closed the door behind him. 

They all walked up the stairs and then into the kitchen. Their eyes widened at the amount of food that was scattered across the table and countertops. CJ nodded, "Looks like you found everything you needed." 

Sam nodded and then patted the turkey that sat on the countertop next to him. He smiled, "I had a helluva time with this little fella though." 

Josh smiled, "Do tell." 

Sam bobbed his head and began, "So, I went to my fourth store in a row and prayed they had a turkey left. I practically dropped to my knees and kissed the floor when I saw that they had just one lonely turkey left. But just as I stepped forward to pick it up, this old lady whacked me in the knees with her cane and I fell backwards." 

At this point, it was taking all of their strength not to burst out laughing. They forced themselves to stay under control, as Sam continued. "So when I got back to my feet, she already had the turkey in her hands. I politely told her that I was just about to buy the turkey and that assault is a crime. She said something about seeing it first, like we're six and fighting over a toy. I said she was being childish and then I told the manager that the mean lady stole my turkey." 

Sam's voice trailed off, as he realized how the last part sounded. A few soft chuckles escaped from their mouths. Sam went on, "The manager totally blew me off, so I went back to the old lady and started tugging on the turkey. By now, I was pissed and I wanted the damn Butterball. So I-..." 

Josh interjected as this point, "You fought an old lady for a turkey?" 

Sam shrugged, "She left me no choice. I did it in the name of Thanksgiving." Josh smiled and then listened as Sam continued, "Let me tell you though, this lady has the grip of Hercules. I couldn't pry the darn thing out of her hands. Finally, I resorted to my last line of defense." 

Sam paused dramatically and eyed them, as if prompting them to ask what that might have been. 

Donna finally met his wishes, "And that was?" 

Sam grinned, "I pointed behind her and said, 'hey, isn't that Frank Sinatra?' She turned around to look and I snatched the turkey away." 

Sam smiled proudly, while Toby said, "Sinatra's dead, Sam." 

He nodded, "Exactly why it'd be amazing to see him shopping in a supermarket." 

The others laughed, as they shook their heads at him. Sam finished his story, "So then I hauled ass to the checkout. But let me tell ya, the old bat must only carry that cane as a weapon, because she can move like a puma." 

The others joined him in his laughter, before turning their attention to the food. They surveyed the contents of the unprepared meal wearily. 

Donna raised her eyebrows, as she looked at the turkey. "Uh, Sam, that's still frozen." 

Sam nodded, "Yeah. So?" 

"So, I think it takes quite a while to defrost a turkey before you can start baking it." 

He shrugged, "No problem. I'll defrost it in the microwave." 

CJ chuckled as she gestured towards the microwave, "There's no way you're getting that huge sucker in there." 

Sam's forehead creased and he began to mutter worriedly, "The first Thanksgiving that I'm hosting and I already screwed it up. Mom would be so disappointed in me. She always said-..." 

Toby rolled his eyes, "Spare us the Mama Seaborn words of wisdom, please. Don't worry, we'll figure something out." 

They all thought for a moment, when Josh suddenly snapped his fingers. His eyes brightened and he stated boastfully, "I am brilliant. I mean, I always knew I was even more brilliant during a crisis, but I must say I've surprised even myself with this one." 

Donna groaned at him, "Josh, will your ego be requiring its own seat for dinner?" 

Josh feigned laughter and then mumbled, "Jealous." 

He then turned on his heel, walked down the hall and returned a few moments later. They all eyed him in confusion, as they studied the object in his hand: A hairdryer. 

Josh smiled widely, as he swung it back and forth in front of their eyes. "Brilliant, isn't it?" 

CJ responded dryly, "I don't understand. Is your objective to defrost the turkey or give it a bouncy new hairdo?" 

Josh sighed, "You are so creatively stifled, CJ." 

CJ smiled, "Oh, yes, that's what I am. See I just thought I was more logical than you." 

Toby and Sam chuckled at that one. Toby then gestured to the hairdryer, "We've got like a thousand degrees between us and this is the best we can come up with?" 

"You got something better?" Josh questioned. 

Toby shook his head. Donna smiled, as she crossed her arms over her chest. "This is amazing. You guys are the ones in charge of handling crises of national proportions and the only way you can think of to defrost a turkey is to blow-dry it?" 

Josh smirked at her. "We'd be delighted to hear your idea, Donna." 

Donna averted her eyes and began to twist her fingers. "Well, I don't have one...But I'm not a distinguished member of the White House Senior Staff either." 

Sam finally spoke up, "I say we do it. We can't think of anything else, so we should just do this." He paused and then added, "If anything, I'll finally get to see if I could have cut it at beauty school." 

They all laughed, as they rolled up their sleeves. 

* * * * 

Sam directed the others, as he plugged the hairdryer into the wall. "Okay, Toby, you're on mashed potatoes. You've got to wash, peel and mash those in that bag over there. CJ, you've got yams and stuffing. Josh, you're on salad, corn and green beans. Donna, you're on cranberry sauce and bread. The cranberry can is on the counter and the Crescent rolls are in the fridge." 

They all nodded and began to scurry in different directions, except for Josh. He held his hands up in the air in protest, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Why do I have to prepare three things, when everyone else only has to do one or two?" 

CJ groaned, "Are we going to fight over who got more ice cream too, Josh?" 

Josh ignored her, "And what's with Donna's jobs? Open a can and plop some of that cranberry blobby stuff on a dish. Then open another can and throw some Crescent things on a pan. She'll be done with that in five seconds flat. You have delegated unfairly, Sam." 

Donna shook her head at him, "You are so immature. I wait on you hand and foot everyday and you still want me to do more work on my day off, a holiday no less." 

Josh smiled, "Maybe if you'd bring me a coffee every once in a while, I wouldn't feel the need." 

Donna rolled her eyes at him. Sam turned to him, "Josh, I am not changing Donna's assignment." 

"Why not?" he whined. 

"Because she is less of a pain in my ass than you are," Sam stated testily. 

Josh looked at him in surprise, "When did you start talking like Toby?" 

"When Josiah Bartlet was born and began his quest to ruin Thanksgiving 2000," Sam stated through clenched teeth. 

CJ smiled and then whispered to Toby, "I could be wrong, but I think that cheerfulness of his has vanished." 

Toby nodded with a grin, "Yeah, as well as that phony Mrs. Cleaver smile." 

CJ chuckled and nodded at Toby. They then got started on their tasks. 

Sam turned the hairdryer on and began to move it slowly over the frozen turkey. He tried to smile, as he attempted to regain his cheerful attitude. He spoke to the turkey as he worked, "So, what's new with you? Not your favorite time of the year I'm guessing. Don't worry, I'll be gentle." 

CJ glanced over at Toby as he worked on peeling the first potato. She smiled as he struggled. He was trying to do slow, long strokes, but they were only resulting in little pieces of skin being removed. "We could grow new potatoes by the time you finish with just one, Toby." 

He looked over at her, "This is how Miss Julia Child peels potatoes, CJ." 

CJ smiled, "No wonder she speaks so inarticulately. Who'd be able to speak coherently after peeling one potato for a whole year?" 

"Please tell me you did not just insult Miss Julia Child's communication skills," Toby said with a small smile. 

CJ grinned at him, "Being a Communications Director and all, I could see how that would be a sore spot with you." 

Toby shook his head, "How dare you question the practices of Miss Julia Child, CJ. The closest you've ever gotten to preparing potatoes is Super-sizing your fries at McDonald's." 

CJ laughed, as she shook her head in defeat. 

Donna rolled the last Crescent and rubbed her hands in satisfaction. "Done." 

Josh glared at her from his spot at the sink where he was attempting to make a salad. He returned his gaze to the head of lettuce he had been studying with a puzzled expression for ten minutes now. 

Donna walked over to him, as she watched him roll it over and over in the palms of his hands. She smiled, "It's not a Magic Eight Ball, Josh." 

He turned to her and smiled slightly. He then said, "Will Donna ever receive a raise?" He then shook the head of lettuce and pretended to read it, "Don't count on it." 

Josh turned to her with a wide smile and shrugged, "I don't know, looks to me like it is...and a good one at that." 

Donna feigned amusement and then gestured to the head of lettuce. "You're supposed to tear that into pieces, Joshua. It's a head of lettuce, commonly used in the preparation of salads." 

Josh smirked at her, "And here I was thinking I had finally found the perfect bowling ball." 

Donna chuckled, before removing the lettuce from his grasp and demonstrating what he should do. She then handed it back to him and he began to do the same. 

Everyone's actions were halted by a loud slap. They turned around to find Sam assaulting the turkey. "Damn frozen bird. Thaw! For the love of God, thaw!" 

Sam was using his left hand to apparently slap the turkey into compliance, while his right hand was wildly gesturing with the hairdryer. 

Josh approached Sam and placed his hands out in front of him. He spoke slowly, "Sam, put the hairdryer down and step away from the turkey." 

Sam blinked twice, before finally turning the hairdryer off and placing it down on the table. He shook his head, as he wiped at his sweaty brow. "I almost lost it there for a sec." 

CJ raised her eyebrows and said softly, "Almost?" 

Josh spoke to Sam, "It's not working?" 

Sam shook his head, "Not really. At least not quickly enough." 

Josh nodded and then snapped his fingers. "I've got another idea." 

Toby spoke under his breath, "The question is will it be able to top the brilliance of the first." 

Josh didn't hear him and began to tell them his idea. "We'll fill the sink with hot water and place the turkey in it. The hot water will help defrost the turkey." 

The others nodded at that idea, feeling it had potential. Sam spoke to Josh, "Okay, but we need the kitchen sink right now." 

"How about the bathroom?" Donna offered. 

"It's not big enough," Sam replied. 

Josh snapped his fingers again, "The bathtub! We'll use the bathtub!" 

The others looked at him with wide eyes. Sam spoke slowly, "You want me to put a turkey in my bathtub?" 

"Yup," he responded. 

CJ groaned and rubbed at her forehead. "We are so stupid. Could it get any more idiotic than this?" 

"Only if Josh suggested we dress the turkey up in a top hat and teach it to dance in order to raise its body heat," Toby replied in a monotone. 

CJ chuckled, "Don't give him any ideas." 

"Help me pick it up, Sam," Josh ordered. 

They both picked up an end of the turkey and carried it down the hall to the bathroom. Donna, Toby and CJ followed behind them. Donna turned the water on and let the tub fill sufficiently with hot water. Josh and Sam then dropped the turkey in. 

They stood back and simply watched it. 

Josh smiled, "Aw, it's first bath. Donna, get the camera." 

They all laughed and then returned to gawking at the turkey. 

Toby broke the strange silence a few minutes later, "Does anyone else think it's weird that we're watching a turkey float in a bathtub?" 

"Yeah," they responded in unison. They then continued staring at the turkey. 

Thirty minutes later, their patience had worn thin. 

"Just take it out. That'll have to be good enough," Donna said. 

The others concurred. 

"CJ, hand me that towel on the rack," Sam said. 

CJ handed him the towel and he and Josh proceeded to gently remove the turkey from the bathtub. They then carefully dried it off, as if it were a child. 

They looked at each other for a second, as they gently patted the turkey's skin dry. They said at the same time, "This just got creepy." 

With that, they stood up and cradled the turkey in the towel. It served as a sort of stretcher as they began to walk down the hall. They had almost reached the kitchen, when Sam tripped over his own feet and lost his balance. This caused him to lose his grip on the towel and the turkey rolled off of it. 

It rolled down the hall a bit, bounced off a wall and then tumbled down the staircase leading to the front door. 

They all watched with wide eyes, as the turkey hit the door with a thud and spun on its side for a moment, before coming to a rest. 

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "This isn't going nearly as well as I'd hoped." 

Josh and Sam walked down the stairs, as CJ shook her head. "Aren't there laws against treating dead turkeys so badly?" 

Toby shook his head, "There should be after today." 

They retrieved the turkey and began to carry it back upstairs. They were one step away, when one of its legs tore away from its body and caused Josh to lose his hold on it. They both fumbled with the turkey, as they fought to keep it from falling. Unfortunately, their efforts were in vain and the turkey fell over the railing. It tumbled down the stairs that led to the basement and landed in the cat's litter box at the landing. 

Sam groaned and shook his head, "Fluffy is not going to be happy." 

Donna peered over the railing and shook her head in disgust. "That's it, I'm not eating that thing." 

Toby shrugged and looked at the litter-coated turkey. "Think of it this way. The skin will have a little something special added to it for flavor." 

They all gagged in disgust. 

A moment later, CJ declared, "It's over, guys. We gave it our best, but we have to know when to admit defeat. Obviously, we are not met to use our brains for cooking. We should just stick to running the country." 

Sam shook his head defiantly and began to ramble, "No! This isn't over. That turkey still has life, damnit! A Seaborn never gives up. Not even that Christmas when all our presents were stolen did we give up. Nope, we just held our heads high and sang Christmas carols." 

Josh whispered to Donna, "Sam didn't grow up in Whoville with a nasty green neighbor, did he?" 

Donna had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. 

Sam continued, as he began to walk downstairs. "Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving without turkey. The Pilgrims and Indians had turkey. And do you think they had an easy time preparing it? No way. But they didn't give up and neither shall we." He reached the bottom of the stairs and knelt down beside the turkey. He solemnly leaned over it, shaking his head. He then picked it up and cradled it in his arms, "You still got some life in ya, don't you boy." 

CJ whispered to Toby, as they all watched Sam. "At what point should we consider him completely unhinged?" 

"When he tries to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and can't find a mouth. That won't be pretty," Toby replied. 

Sam struggled to carry the large turkey up the stairs. He was met by Josh at the top of the stairs. Josh spoke soothingly to him, "Sam, it's time to let go. You've done all you can." 

"No, it's not over. I won't accept that," Sam replied shakily. 

Josh nodded, "You're in denial right now. That's to be expected. The loss of a Thanksgiving turkey is never easy. But you have to come to terms with it for your sake and his." 

Sam looked down at the turkey breaded with litter and sighed. He slowly handed him to Josh. 

He looked longingly at it, "I thought we were meant to be, especially considering what we had to go through to be together." 

Josh nodded, "I know, I know." He turned to Donna, "Why don't you bring Sam to the couch and let him rest?" 

Sam shook his head and his eyes began to roam wildly, "No, we have to make the rest of the food! We can still make the best of it." 

Donna smiled at him, "Trust me, Sam. That could only lead to more disasters. We'll just have to make do with food that cannot be ruined in any way." 

Donna sat with Sam on the couch, as Toby, Josh and CJ walked into the kitchen. Josh dropped the turkey into the sink, unable to think of anything else to do with it. He then looked at CJ and Toby. "Okay, let's try to find some food that we can't kill." 

They began to search the cabinets and refrigerator, but only came up with three items. They guessed that Sam hadn't done any normal grocery shopping in a while. 

They walked out to Donna and Sam and each held up their item. 

"Turkey Jerky as the entree," Josh said. 

"Ruffles Potato Chips *with* ridges as a side," Toby stated. 

"And six marshmallow Peeps leftover from Easter for dessert," CJ said. She then added, "Just like the Pilgrims and Indians had." 

Sam stared at the items in shock, before shaking his head and burying his face in Donna's shoulder. Donna sighed and patted his back soothingly. 

She whispered harshly to the others, "Thank you very much. I just got him calmed down and now I have to start all over again." 

Josh shrugged, as he began to gnaw on a Turkey Jerky. 

Just then, the doorbell rang. Josh hurried to go answer it. He was surprised to find the President smiling back at him. 

Jed rubbed his hands together and spoke excitedly, "Okay, where's that turkey? I snuck out to get a taste of a real Thanksgiving meal. I draw the line at eating a turkey-shaped leg of tofu. Abbey would kill me if she found out. I already had to bribe my agents not to talk," he said, as he gestured to them standing behind him. "Abbey and Sarah think I went to the store to get soy ice cream or something...So let's make this fast. Point me in the direction of the bird." 

Josh smiled weakly at him and then held out his Turkey Jerky stick. 

"Turkey Jerky, sir?" he offered. 

The President eyed him worriedly. He then shook his head, "Oh, don't tell me." 

Josh nodded, "The turkey had an accident...Well, a couple of accidents to be accurate." 

The President sighed, as he walked passed Josh into the house. He entered the living room and found CJ on a the couch eating Peeps, Toby next to her eating potato chips and Donna rocking Sam back and forth, while repeatedly saying, "No, Sam, I'm sure...He didn't feel a thing." 

The President ran a hand through his hair and then turned to Josh. "What happened?" 

"Well, it all started with the turkey still being frozen. I came up with the idea to use a hairdryer to defrost it," he replied. 

"And that didn't work," the President stated in a condescending tone. 

"No, it didn't. So then we decided to put it in a bathtub filled with hot water. That worked pretty well. But then we dropped it twice and it met its demise in Fluffy's litter box," Josh finished. 

The President couldn't stop shaking his head at them. He finally spoke, "And it never occurred to any of you geniuses that maybe the best way would be to stick it in the oven on a low temperature for a while, just to thaw it out? That would have been my first thought and it sounds a lot less moronic than yours." 

Toby interjected just then, "Actually, sir, they were both Josh's ideas." 

The President shrugged, "Well, at least he had ideas, Toby." 

Toby nodded in agreement and popped a potato chip in his mouth. 

The President shook his head again and then flashed them all a smile. "Well, I guess I'm thankful that we run a country, not a kitchen." 

They all laughed and nodded in agreement, except for Sam who simply whimpered. 

The President then said with a wide smile, "Turkey Jerky for everyone!" 

Josh passed the Turkey Jerky out and then held his in the air. "I'd like to propose a toast." 

He paused, as the others raised their sticks of Turkey Jerky into the air, too. Josh then continued, "To you all. I am grateful to be sharing Thanksgiving with you. After all, as a wise woman once said, this is what Thanksgiving's about, it's about family." 

Josh finished with a soft smile, as he met Donna's eyes. 

Then they all came together and 'clinked' their sticks of Turkey Jerky together. 

THE END 


End file.
